Blog #51 Stella 2018

IMG_3173.jpgIts 2018, a new year and I really want to get some stability.  Im not working, and while i am looking for a job, and I’m not really putting my heart into it.  All I know is that my diary is getting full, with a event every weekend until Easter.  Somehow, I feel this year will go by quickly.

But what will I change for 2018, I know what I should do and I have tried to do it with without any success.  So the status quo remains.  But all I am finding is that my life is just becoming more complicated.  I ask myself, how could it be so?

I’ve simplified my financies, my lifestyle why can’t i get the rest of my life in order.  Its not for want of trying, because I have made efforts to do the right thing.  But I’m weak.  I know that.  So I sit hear watching Whitney Houston, ‘Can I just be me’ and I have to count my blessings.

I am alive, my life is fairly stress free.  Any stress I have, I have caused it.  I am blessed to be here, healthy and able to have choices.  Yes I have choices and the only one who can mess it up is me.  I just have to do the right thing.

Right now i want a class of bailey’s, but I am fat.  I need to loose weight.  Having a drink will not help me loose weight.  Therefore, I must be strong and not have a drink before I go to bed.  That will be hard.  As I love Baileys with a passion, the same passion I have for life.  I love life, especially my life.

So I have an invite to an party, you know I will go because I like being around music and dancing.  This year, I have promised myself, that I will only go out where I enjoy the atmosphere.  So far I have broken this wish twice.  But on all other occasions, I have had a good time.  Too good a time as I reflect back.  Nothing comes without a price.

The price I am paying I’m not sure I can afford it, as my finances are low.  So while I take the time to get my life in order, I also need to figure out how to increase my income.  Yesterday, I took the first step, it was a hard step.  But with all things it is one step at a time.

So every morning I now challenge myself to get up.  Yes get up before 12, and do my exercises.  I believe that if I can fix my weight, I can fix all the other things that are not going right in my life.  That may be unachievable, but believing is half the journey.

So 2018, will be about concentrating on me, getting up, loosing weight and sorting out my finances.

Stella imnot, 2018, Fit I will be.

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Blog #31 Stepping into my power

Sometimes we only realise how powerful we are when it is challenged. This weekend, I think the evidence of my power, materialise in a number of situations.
There is something to be said about power dressing. Because that is what I think I did this weekend. I coordinated my outfit, to show my confidence, and positive attitude, then I just enjoyed myself, and watched the impact it had. It was nice, to see the attention, to the point, people were commenting on it. But what I remember most was the music, how refreshing it sounded. Also listening to my favourite MC, doing his thing. All of this without Mr Bailey being in the room, although I did get some attention from a high roller Mr Champayne.

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I would have thought with all the drama of the previous week; my phone would have been quiet. But I was pleasantly surprised at the activity that took place. It was like nothing had ever happened, and everything has gone back to normal.


I am please, because I like a simple life, I don’t really do drama. Only if it involves a theatre with lots of laughter. While this drama gave me a lot to laugh about, when you consider how sad, some of the actors are, you can only feel sorry for them.  However, I did visit the theatre as well, for the second time I went to watch the Bob Marley musical.

What an excellent production, even though I was sat with the gods, the view of the show was still good.  At my age, my sight is now help by my glasses.  Which ensure everything appear’s sharp.  Not that I really need glasses to see what is going on, sometimes I can step out of the situation and take an objective view.  I loved the way the musical capture the story of Bob’s life.  Clearly, he was a genius.  When you listen to the lyrics it express how Bob was feeling at the time.  So when he was in love, that was when you got the love songs.  When he discovered his blackness and his culture, then his songs became more militant.

Bob did understand the power he had, the closing scenes, when he brings Segrea and Manley together.  That was using his power in a positive way for the good of the community.  He was a selfless man who put his country first, we could all learn a lesson from him.

While my talents are limited, I don’t believe in being over confident, I hope I have enough emotional intelligence to realise the extent and duration of my power. It is not a right it is earn, and being a nice person is what keeps it strong.


The Sun is coming out and that is when I shine the most. Or should I say do the most mischief. I am not about to hide, or stopping what I do best. I am going to be more visible and in the faces of others, because I am confident. I know what I do, I like what I do, and I smile when I do it.

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Stella Imnot, but I am powerful.

Blog #30 Brexit has come

Today Prime Minster May, hands over the signed article 50 request to divorce England from Europe. It’s been months in the making but we are finally here, and the future is unknown.
Depending on how you are placed, this could either be a good thing or not. My cup, is always half full, so I am looking at the opportunities this now affords me.
As the restriction are lifted, you then appreciate how free you now are. No longer having to worry if your actions will impact on anybody but yourself.  Just being able to be me, happy, fun loving and always smiling.

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England thinks they may be able to walk away, and choose what happens next. No way, will that be the case, Europe has effectively, got them by the goonies.  Free trade, will be a thing of the pass, now you will have to pay a trade tariff to contract, that will change the whole dynamics. Business in England will have to think of new ways of working, and there will definitely be more paper work.

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But the good thing is, and you know in my world there is always a good side. Technology, is such a beautiful development, I am sure they will create an app, to make things easier. Social media, and the internet, I love them and they are changing the world. It’s a shame they can’t change the people who use them. Don’t care how you dress some people up in the finest of clothes if their heart is cold, they will always be negative.

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When you are negative person you can live a sad life, and cannot make anybody happy, because you are not happy yourselves. Your only focus in life is to make the lives of others uncomfortable. To the point, it becomes an obsession. How Brexit will affect them is also unknown, but it won’t be good.
My views about Brexit, is that I am in a good place, whatever it throws at me I will be able to handle. Because when you walk good and live good, god will look after you. So, I will continue with my plans, nothing that much will change for me. My Blogs will continue, and I will share the highlights that happen in my life, for anyone to read. The more followers I have the better and it must mean I am doing something right. That is a compliment.

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While I didn’t vote for Brexit, I will embrace it as others must. With a smile on my face. While England is an Island, it will not be my prison, where I have to hide away, afraid or unable to go out. The summer is here and I will continue with my plans to enjoy my life. Life is for living, and I won’t do that Vicariously through others, I want to experience it to the fullness myself.
So, I hope you will keep reading, Stella, has a whole lot of living still to do, even after Brexit.
Stella imnot, happy, definitely.

Blog #54 The Good Life

I choose this title, for 2 reasons, I am watching a TV drama show called The Good Fight, which is about life, and our choices and Im also living a good life.

The show, is very interesting, addictive even.  Its about a black law firm in America a spin off from another good show The Good Wife.   I only came across it in its second series.  Im not sure, how that passed me by.  I had to go to Amazon Prime in order to find the first series.

In life I think we make a lot of things pass us by, but we don’t always get a second chance to go back and catch up.  For that reason I am living my life now, trying to ensure that I do it all in this life, because I don’t believe this is a practice run for the next time.  once we die we are dead.

I met an old friend this week, he informed me that he was wondering if something was wrong with me, to the point he had to ask someone.  I just smiled, I can only assumed that he thought I may have a condition, where I only have a few years to live, so I was cramping it all in now.

In a way he is right, at some point I am going to died, and when I died, I want to died without having any regrets.  I don’t want to work until I am 67, and to old to enjoy my retirement.  I want to retire now, and enjoy the rest of my life while I am young enough and still healthy.

So what is life all about?  For me I think I keep it simple.  Its about the basic things in life, like food, shelter and good friends.  I can almost summaries that to a ‘good social life’.  Because that is what I do.  I am a social being, I am all about having a good time.  I run from drama, leaving it to those who enjoy living in the gutter.  When there is anything social it always involves food.  I just have to learn how to cope with that, as getting fat, does not lead to a healthy life style.  One of the most important things in life is good health, without it nothing else matters.  To ensure I keep a roof over my head, it does involved some sacrifices, but they are worth it to live the life I want to live.

But the most important thing, is the people around me.  Being in the company of those who appreciate me, in a mutual way, where we can enjoy each other company.  I am so lucky, that I have so many friends who fit this criteria, I know I am blessed.

The good life is for me, my phone keeps ringing, my diary has very few spaces.  When it does have a space, that is the time I get to watch my box sets, in the comfort of my home.

Stella im not, but living the good life I am.

Blog #53 Tomorrow is promise to no one

I know, it’s been some time.  But that’s just how it goes sometimes.  While I always have a lot to write about, the time does not always afford itself.  But also, when people start looking at your blogs are only concentrating on the old controversial ones, I know it’s just people being fast.  But as I always say I’m not going to let people who don’t pay my mortgage control my life vicariously.

So I am taking time to update cyber space with my latest thoughts.  To be fair they are happy thoughts, when I consider the things that is having the biggest impact on my mind at the moment.

Someone I knew went to bed the other day and did not wake up!  It came as a complete shock to everyone.  However, it is a stalk reminder that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.  It has helped me relaxed more.  I am exercising a no tolerance zone.  If I’m not feeling the vibe I am stepping out of the situation.

I’m lucky that the important people understand this, so a lot of our interactions are really pleasant.  Then there are those, who live in their little worlds, who think I care about what is going on in there.  Believe me I don’t.   This year I already have had an amazing time, first with the Caribbean Weekender, followed by Cube and then Amsterdam.  My experiences have just reminded me how good my life is.

In the planning already is another trip to Amsterdam, and Portugal, and Im sure I can fit another holiday in somewhere.  I’m really feeling California at the moment.  Where there is a will, there will always be a way.

The reason I can do all I do, is because I am a professional.  When I choose to use that profession, I can earn a little change.  So I am back in the corporate world, on a 9 to 5, long mornings in bed, is now a thing of the pass.  My daily concern is to get into work early, so I can get a car parking place and go home early.

On the first morning, I overslept and arrived a hour late, what a start.  But I am lucky, this office seems OK, not too much politics.  Not that I will get involved.  I have been around so long, that I have conversations with someone, who knows someone I know.   It all demonstrates the benefits of living good.  Treating people, how you would like to be treated, it pays dividends over time.

So I keep on smiling, because what I truly know, is that I’m blessed.  While I may spend a lot of time complaining about my weight, the amount of complements I get, remains me that I still look good.  The important think above all is that I am healthy, and each morning I wake up.

Tomorrow may not be promised to no one, so I am living each day like it is my last, ignoring all the small minded people.

Stella imnot, Living I am.

Blog #52 Valentines and single.

 

IMG_3440.jpgAs I’m not in a relationship, spending valentines by myself is to be expected. So to ensure I don’t feel lonely, I planed some activities around the day. On the 13th I was attending the first showing of Black panther, and on the 15th I was going to see Mica Paris.

But on the day in question, I made no plans. I guess I wanted to keep it free just encase I got that special offer.

To be fair I did get an offer to to be taken out, but I declined. For a number of reasons I guess. But it was the realisation that on such a special day, you should maybe spend it with someone you care about. With that said, my friends in couples were all going out together and I got an invite, if I could find someone to bring. I would have taken anybody to go, but alias I could not find anyone. So I declined, resigning myself to the fact that I would not be going.

On a brighter note, they did share the highlights, so I saw all the fun, I missed out on being single.

So I laugh as I write, on a one to one, I’m choosey, who I spend my time with, but in a group, it didn’t matter. Yes I’m confused and mixed up. But I know I am, so I just need to find the solution.

Well black panther was amazing with my girlfriends. We got ourselves organised, pre-booked at the cinema to watch this fantastic movie. We left feeling so proud to be black. My life would be so empty without my friends.

Then Mica Paris, what a voice. I arrived early, got my space. Said hello to so many people I knew, groups of people as well as couples, and felt totally, comfortable being by myself. I think the most memorable part was being adopted by a younger couple on the dance floor, and just dancing. I love dancing, it makes me feel good, and being with the couple meant that I could avoid any approaches. Sometimes being single can be a problem.

Well it Saturday today, the last day to celebrate valentine. I’m going to hang with my best friend. He is playing out, and has usual has invited me along. Even I will be by myself, I know that the music will be what I need to lift my spirits.

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So will I sort out this situation? I guess not, it’s much more easier to plan an holiday. Or disappear to Jamaica for a few months. Can I go on like this? I guess not. Although the stress of it all I might loose some weight, now that would make me happy.

So I am so undecided about what I want. So I do nothing, trusting in time to sort me out. But how much time have I got?

So as another year has passed I don’t feel so bad. I’m lucky, that I have options. Single is not all bad, as I’m never alone.

Stella imnot, single I am.

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Blog #50 50 not out

So my good friend has just turned 50, and I’ve spent 2 weeks with her and her family celebrating in the hot climates of Africa.

Her birthday is just after mine, so while we relaxed and waited for her big day to approached it gave me time to reflect back on the last 12 months and what has been achieved. The first thing without doubt is that I have remained healthy throughout the last 12 months and for that I give thanks.

On a financial front, as much as I have tried to cut the cost of my lifestyle, I haven’t managed it. While I have broke even, I really should have been ahead of the game, and planning a 6 months escape to spend more time with my parents. But alias, I may have to work some more if that plan is to be achieved.

But the biggest disappointment has come with my figure, or should I say non existent figure. I would never have belief that I would be carrying so much weight. I mean I carry it well, or so I am told. But my whole approach to dressing has had to change, which means more expense. Also a little home solution like making clothes to fit me. It’s a good thing I have skills.

As this is blog 50, I have also managed to keep up what I started so long ago. Even against all the adversity I have faced in relation to my blogging. Who would have thought my simple existence would cause such a stir. But I have kept myself pure, stayed on the path and survived. As a new year approaches I know things will get better.

Holidays have been the theme for 2017, but so much other activities that I have enjoyed have been taking place. I have a new network, which accept me for me and we are able share a lot of good times together. They came through for me when things seem to be going out of control.

50 and still going, it’s a achievement that many have not made. All that I ask as I step into 2018, that the shit on my shoes stays away. Well even if it doesn’t, underneath my shoes is a good place for it.

Stella imnot 50 and going strong I am.

Blogg #49 Stella has fans

EKLG7185Its been 4 months since I wrote a blog.  In that time I have been to Thailand, Dubai, Jamaica and Cape Verdi.  I have been back and I have not got back into the habit of writing.  You can imagine what fun I have had.

I still checked in, but saw I had very little activity, well until the end of October approached and then people started to fast with me.   I thought no one missed me, so why keep up the writing about the wonderful life I am having.  I just continued to have it.

In the mean time, we now have what’s app status update, facebook updates and Tango.  Insta live.  I can now share my life on so many other social media platforms.   So instead of views, I spend my time collecting likes, and hearts.  Is that sad?  Some people would say it is.  But as another young sole passes away.  I reflect how happy I am with my life.  I have not worked for the last 8 weeks, and I am really enjoying my bed.  I have turned into a vampire, now only coming out at night to what every social function is in my diary.

I am meeting the my virtual friends, they are coming to visit me or I am visiting them.  I go through my address book, and I call people I have not connected with for ages.  I am actually catching up with people.  Living a really good life, which I am still sharing with my facebook faturnity.

So I took a little siesta from facebook the other day, and I had a nice text from one of my friends just to check if I was OK, as they had not seen me on FB for a couple of days.  I responded all was well, as it was.  I had just been vegging on Netflixs.

But what has really prompt me to write this blog, right now as opposed to in the new year, is that I called a friend to wish them happy birthday and they asked about Stella.  They confessed to being a fan.  With that, if I just have one person who reads my thoughts  and is interesting in what I am doing.  Then I better not let them down.

But really, why do I write.  Why do I expose how I am feeling to the unknown world, and provide my haters with amunitions to chat about me.  I think it is because I am a open person, I love the interaction, I want to develop this and get some recognition.  I want to Vlogg my life on my own u-tupe channel, then promote products and earn a living by just being me.  A happy go-luck black women, living a fun stress free life, with the biggest smile on her face.

I was out this weekend, (well that’s nothing new) and it occurred to me some people were staying away from me. Then a conversation with someone, showed me that people were watching me, even if they did not talk to me. But I was out by myself and had a great time regardless.

So Stella is back again, I have put on a few stones, I have 1 more holiday left to end the year.  I have faced my frienemies and laughed in their faces.  2017, has been one of the best years of my life, because there have been so many highs that I have experience.  For each friend I have lost, I have gained 2 more.

Stella imnot,  but blogger for life I am.

Blog #48 I’m I having fun

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I’m on my way to London, 2nd time this weekend.  Friday I was in Bristol, so as you can see another full packed weekend.

But as I sit listening to the lovely Jammers music blasting out of the system, I question how happy I am.

I’ve been feeling like this since Friday.  Questioning how happy am I?  Yesterday I wasn’t top of my game, and as I am surrounded by nice people on a road trip, that I love.  I am feeling alone.

I want to get back to my bed and continue watching ‘suits’, by myself.  What’s’ going on with me, I’m not sure.

I’ve had loads of interaction and that’s what I usually thrive on.  A nice song comes on, and I start rocking, I feel better already.

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Music, I like really makes me feel good.  Something tells me I’m missing Mr Bailey, as my thoughts about how I can get my figure back by the end of the year.

My happiness and how I am feeling seams to be very much linked to my figure.   Am getting fat and I know it, while I still know I can look good, it’s gets harder to pull if off.

Yesterday I complained about having to order a size 16, it’s not the first time I have done this, but it’s a realisation that it makes sense.  Big people can look good too, so long as you wear your size.

I get my kicks by looking nice, I saw a girl yesterday who did not look good in what she had on.  I had to praise god for my shape, as clothes can look good on me.

So what is my conclusion? Am I having fun? I do a lot of fun things.  I’m in a lot of networks.  But if I want to continue feeling good maybe it is time to divorce food and Mr Bailey.  Look to find pleasure in other things like music, TV and even exercise.  The test will be this holiday to Thailand, if I can come back without putting weight on, I know I will be on the way to recovery.

Some one said I couldn’t write, I laughed.  I am writing, am sharing.  Even though I know my haters will rejoices, in my low periods.  But sharing is not all about just the good time. I just keep it real.

So, as we nearly reach our destination, I have a smile on my face.  I am bless.  I’m making a decision.   I’m coming back.

Our lives are what we make it, and I have the ingredients to continue to have a fun live.  I promise I will

Stella imnot, but I will be fun

Blog #47 Girls Trip

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Well me and my girls went to the cinema last night to watch Girls Trip, and if you haven’t seen it, it is a definitely worth spending your money.  We need to support the black movie industry.

The movie was not just about jokes, but the underlying plot was about honesty and how you relate with your friends, and a certain amount of jealously.  It dealt with how you perceived your public image and the importance you place on it.  It kind of ended saying we will always need our friends.  Men may come and go, but our friends are for life.

So I went with my friends, all of whom I have known for over 20 years, while we never went to school or college together, we are close.  We do not all see each other very often, but we have to give thanks to the “what’s app group” which allows us to stay in touch.

As I think about each of us, our life has taken us in completely different paths.  We have different professions, live in different area’s and have different family dynamics.   But when we need a friend, we are there at the end of a phone to listen.

I think sometimes you need to be an expert to give advice, and in my experience sometimes you just want to talk about your problems.  Air them, not necessary get advice, because we are all different it can be hard to put yourself in the shoes of your friend.  Our friendship allows us to take time out when we need it.  Listen without judging, making time when require, but mostly showing support when it’s wanted.

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The friendship is about celebrating our successes, and between us we have had a few.  But mostly we have the man drama’s.  Just like the movie that is when you need your friends the most.  It’s acceptable that when you have your man, you cannot hang out so much.  You prioritise time, to put your man first, but you still need to sat aside time to speak/text your girls.

That is just what happened to me this weekend, my girls blow me out for other priorities.  But because we are good, it was not a problem, I have other friends while not as close, I was still able to hang out with them.

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But the conversations, when we do catch up, is always so what is he up to now?  It is sad that there is not a perfect man, or if there is we just haven’t found him.  There are men which have some very good points which can be celebrated.  Ultimately, it is my belief, that all the good man at this age are happily in relationships, and the single men are single for a reason.  No woman no want them, so why should I pick them up.  But I digress. Being out with my girlfriends, watching the girls trip, just reminded me how lucky I am to have my friends who I can trust to have my back, I look forward to another 20 year friendship with them.

Stella imnot, Girlfriend for life yes

Blog#46 Simmer-down 2017

Well the weekend came, and I was out Friday, Saturday ending with Sunday at Simmer-down.  I can’t really say much more about my weekends expect it was great, I had a totally enjoyable weekend with friends, food and the old man Mr Bailey, and I was even able to find some time for the young German.

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It was all go, and some of my friends could not keep up with me.  Even, I had to admit I had a lot on, when I did not get out of the house to go to a Barbecue which was in my diary, thus only attending 3 events on Saturday instead of the planned 5.

I totally enjoyed Simmer-down, I keep it simple.  I bring my Chair, my drink, get a good spot, and enjoy the show.  I venture from my spot just to get jerk chicken.  If you want to see me, you need to come find me in the front.  That’s just how I do.  I capture pictures of people I see if I remember and I go live, to share some of the show.

While I maybe by myself, I am never alone, as anybody who know’s me knows where to find me.  I am grateful, that people/friends do come by and stop a while.  I go to many places now by myself, but I am never alone.  This weekend 2 of my girls let me down, they found their beds, too nice to leave and come out and party with me.  I was not upset, because I understand, they do not get the same enjoyment as myself from being out.  Before I even reached the venue, I had linked up with 2 other friends, who needed my spare tickets to get in.  When we got in more friends came to my corner.

In my little walk around, I said hello to more people I knew.  I am blessed.  My circle goes wide, even if everyone is not in my close circles.  But as busy as my weekend was I found time for everyone, even my daughters little friends who she was looking after.

As I look at my diary, I am booked up basically for the next 2 months, which includes 2 holidays, Thailand and Jamaica.  Now more invites are coming in, and I am just having to say no, I won’t be here.  Before you know it, another year will have gone by.  I will be another year older.  It will be Simmer-down again, and I will be doing exactly the same as I did this year.  I will go there, by myself, and meet friends who I have not planned to meet and have a great time, as I hang with my boyfriend, Mr Bailey, taking pictures, to show I am not alone.

I do not see myself actually slowing down, but will I need to?  Will my status change which means how I live my life will adapt?  Will there be a call for me to Simmer-down?  Watch this space and we will see.

Stella imnot, but simmering slowly.

Blog #45 Am I a social butterfly

social butterfly is a slang term for a person who is socially dynamic, networkingcharismatic, and personally gregarious.

Well these were the words that was ringing in my ear this weekend.  “Social Butterfly”, so I thought I would look it up, just to be sure of the meaning and if it related to me.  I almost wanted to look up dynamic, charismatic and gregarious as well.  But that is a long thing.

So, the real question is, am I a social butterfly?  I think I can say so, just on the back of this weekend, which found me in Derby, Birmingham and London, connecting with people who wanted to be in my company and me in theirs.

All this on the back of the release of ‘On the Couch’, I was almost glad to be out of town.  Mainly, because the whole thing has been tainted for me.  Even now, I have not listen to the whole show.  I haven’t shared it and no one in my circles have mention it to me.  A complete difference to when I was on the Radio.

So, what happen this weekend?  I heard some comments, which completely contradicted how I am.  My reflection, is that this weekend allowed me to get some balance, and test the theory and prove it wrong from all the conversations that I had.

One conversation in particular, was with a Pastor, where he confirmed that you cannot live your life for others.  Yes you have to be godly, but not to the point where you put yourself on a pedestal then people will just want to knock you down.

Then, I got invited to a very select gathering of people, and when some of the other attendee’s saw that I was there, they immediately wanted to question how I got an invite.  Of course this amused me, and I was unable to give a straight answer leaving them to find some other way to figure it out.

Next, I received an invite to a barbecue, which I made a very special effort to attend, only to my surprise to received such a warm welcome from the host, which was not expected, but appreciated.  Sometimes you can judge people wrongly.

I then found myself in London, on public transport, which is not a problem as it is how I like to roll sometimes.  Only to receive an offer of a lift to the venue, from an unexpected source.  Of course I had to arrive in low key manner, I didn’t want to start anymore gossip.

Well I was in London, I took advantage to visit my friend, who has lost her mum.  It was a lovely day and I was able to spend some considerable time with her, which I know she appreciated.

While I continue to constantly get cuss, for my behaviour, I am so glad for the checks and balances which I have.  My life may not be perfect, but I know that I am happy, and I can continue to keep smiling, because of the supportive friends I have around me.

Stella imnot, Social butterfly always.