Blog #51 Stella 2018

IMG_3173.jpgIts 2018, a new year and I really want to get some stability.  Im not working, and while i am looking for a job, and I’m not really putting my heart into it.  All I know is that my diary is getting full, with a event every weekend until Easter.  Somehow, I feel this year will go by quickly.

But what will I change for 2018, I know what I should do and I have tried to do it with without any success.  So the status quo remains.  But all I am finding is that my life is just becoming more complicated.  I ask myself, how could it be so?

I’ve simplified my financies, my lifestyle why can’t i get the rest of my life in order.  Its not for want of trying, because I have made efforts to do the right thing.  But I’m weak.  I know that.  So I sit hear watching Whitney Houston, ‘Can I just be me’ and I have to count my blessings.

I am alive, my life is fairly stress free.  Any stress I have, I have caused it.  I am blessed to be here, healthy and able to have choices.  Yes I have choices and the only one who can mess it up is me.  I just have to do the right thing.

Right now i want a class of bailey’s, but I am fat.  I need to loose weight.  Having a drink will not help me loose weight.  Therefore, I must be strong and not have a drink before I go to bed.  That will be hard.  As I love Baileys with a passion, the same passion I have for life.  I love life, especially my life.

So I have an invite to an party, you know I will go because I like being around music and dancing.  This year, I have promised myself, that I will only go out where I enjoy the atmosphere.  So far I have broken this wish twice.  But on all other occasions, I have had a good time.  Too good a time as I reflect back.  Nothing comes without a price.

The price I am paying I’m not sure I can afford it, as my finances are low.  So while I take the time to get my life in order, I also need to figure out how to increase my income.  Yesterday, I took the first step, it was a hard step.  But with all things it is one step at a time.

So every morning I now challenge myself to get up.  Yes get up before 12, and do my exercises.  I believe that if I can fix my weight, I can fix all the other things that are not going right in my life.  That may be unachievable, but believing is half the journey.

So 2018, will be about concentrating on me, getting up, loosing weight and sorting out my finances.

Stella imnot, 2018, Fit I will be.

Blog #31 Stepping into my power

Sometimes we only realise how powerful we are when it is challenged. This weekend, I think the evidence of my power, materialise in a number of situations.
There is something to be said about power dressing. Because that is what I think I did this weekend. I coordinated my outfit, to show my confidence, and positive attitude, then I just enjoyed myself, and watched the impact it had. It was nice, to see the attention, to the point, people were commenting on it. But what I remember most was the music, how refreshing it sounded. Also listening to my favourite MC, doing his thing. All of this without Mr Bailey being in the room, although I did get some attention from a high roller Mr Champayne.

I would have thought with all the drama of the previous week; my phone would have been quiet. But I was pleasantly surprised at the activity that took place. It was like nothing had ever happened, and everything has gone back to normal.

I am please, because I like a simple life, I don’t really do drama. Only if it involves a theatre with lots of laughter. While this drama gave me a lot to laugh about, when you consider how sad, some of the actors are, you can only feel sorry for them.  However, I did visit the theatre as well, for the second time I went to watch the Bob Marley musical.

What an excellent production, even though I was sat with the gods, the view of the show was still good.  At my age, my sight is now help by my glasses.  Which ensure everything appear’s sharp.  Not that I really need glasses to see what is going on, sometimes I can step out of the situation and take an objective view.  I loved the way the musical capture the story of Bob’s life.  Clearly, he was a genius.  When you listen to the lyrics it express how Bob was feeling at the time.  So when he was in love, that was when you got the love songs.  When he discovered his blackness and his culture, then his songs became more militant.

Bob did understand the power he had, the closing scenes, when he brings Segrea and Manley together.  That was using his power in a positive way for the good of the community.  He was a selfless man who put his country first, we could all learn a lesson from him.

While my talents are limited, I don’t believe in being over confident, I hope I have enough emotional intelligence to realise the extent and duration of my power. It is not a right it is earn, and being a nice person is what keeps it strong.

The Sun is coming out and that is when I shine the most. Or should I say do the most mischief. I am not about to hide, or stopping what I do best. I am going to be more visible and in the faces of others, because I am confident. I know what I do, I like what I do, and I smile when I do it.

Stella Imnot, but I am powerful.

Blog #30 Brexit has come

Today Prime Minster May, hands over the signed article 50 request to divorce England from Europe. It’s been months in the making but we are finally here, and the future is unknown.
Depending on how you are placed, this could either be a good thing or not. My cup, is always half full, so I am looking at the opportunities this now affords me.
As the restriction are lifted, you then appreciate how free you now are. No longer having to worry if your actions will impact on anybody but yourself.  Just being able to be me, happy, fun loving and always smiling.

England thinks they may be able to walk away, and choose what happens next. No way, will that be the case, Europe has effectively, got them by the goonies.  Free trade, will be a thing of the pass, now you will have to pay a trade tariff to contract, that will change the whole dynamics. Business in England will have to think of new ways of working, and there will definitely be more paper work.

But the good thing is, and you know in my world there is always a good side. Technology, is such a beautiful development, I am sure they will create an app, to make things easier. Social media, and the internet, I love them and they are changing the world. It’s a shame they can’t change the people who use them. Don’t care how you dress some people up in the finest of clothes if their heart is cold, they will always be negative.

When you are negative person you can live a sad life, and cannot make anybody happy, because you are not happy yourselves. Your only focus in life is to make the lives of others uncomfortable. To the point, it becomes an obsession. How Brexit will affect them is also unknown, but it won’t be good.
My views about Brexit, is that I am in a good place, whatever it throws at me I will be able to handle. Because when you walk good and live good, god will look after you. So, I will continue with my plans, nothing that much will change for me. My Blogs will continue, and I will share the highlights that happen in my life, for anyone to read. The more followers I have the better and it must mean I am doing something right. That is a compliment.

While I didn’t vote for Brexit, I will embrace it as others must. With a smile on my face. While England is an Island, it will not be my prison, where I have to hide away, afraid or unable to go out. The summer is here and I will continue with my plans to enjoy my life. Life is for living, and I won’t do that Vicariously through others, I want to experience it to the fullness myself.
So, I hope you will keep reading, Stella, has a whole lot of living still to do, even after Brexit.
Stella imnot, happy, definitely.

Blog #75 2022 Goals

Its now February and I am only just doing this blog.  To be fair I have been thinking about this for the last month, but work has been getting in the way.  In fact that is my excuse/reason for everything.

Work is taking up way to much of my time, that and my social media are both time steelers. So number one on my list is to work more smarter, and control my social media usage. As I get older I need to be more productive with my time. So the aim is to write at least one blog a month.

So I want to spend more time keeping fit, and for me that is walking and listening to audio books.  I believe if I can walk 10k a day, I will lose weight, and fight off any health issues like diabetes.  I am still chasing that size 14, and proper life style changes will be my challenge, 

Over the months, I have notice that people have been beginning to get on my tit.  So for peace of mine, I am going to be more tolerant of their short falls.  We that said, im going to make more friends, and talk more to people.  Which is exactly what I did just now.  The person I spoke to had just lost their mum.  I did not know until I phoned her.  It just goes to show the importance of human contact.

As I walk through my home, there are still spaces which need clearing out. I have been trying to do this for the last couple of years. While I have made progress, there is still more to do. Which also includes my passive income from renting my rooms. I need to be back on that, especially, as my daughter plans to move out.

So the may point of my goals for 2022 is to plan my retirement, pay off my debts, earn additiona income, fix up my property and plan my holidays.  In short enjoy the rest of my life with very little stress.

After completing my comedy debut, I have now joined a group with my peers. I have also ad offers to support me with my set. I don’t think I want to be a comedian, but I do want to be funny. I had the training, and I do not want it to go to waste. I just need to find the time to work on my comedy.

I believe if I can pull off the above, my twilight years will be amazing, and stress free.  It is all about the declutter, and not wasting time.  But most of all sticking to the plan.

How will I achieve this.  Work when I am supposed to be working, play when I am supposed to be playing and sleep when I am supposed to be sleeping.  Basically, be smart in all things, and everything will fall into place.

Stella i’m not, smart I will be.

Blog #75 Sex in the City

It has been some time since I have have written a blog. Life has been hectic. I’m not complaining, with the number of funerals I am attending, I am appreciating every second of air I breath. But what a world wind we have been experience. Covid 19, has knocked us for 6.

I don’t know if i’m going or coming. But I am keeping busy, every weekend for months I have had some event scheduled. In the week too.

Today the first show of the new series of Sex in the City has returned to our screens. I love this show. In my 30’s when I was single and between relationships, I resonated with me as I followed their pursue of happiness. Then in my 40’s when they were settling down, I reflected on just being happy with me. Now, they are in their 50’s and life has thrown them a curve ball.

But what is noticeable about the show is that they are no longer having sex. They are having situations, which are life relating. Could you imagine if they were still roaming the city having lots of sex in their 50’s. Not cool.

So what I’m I saying. Really, glad my life is not reflecting theirs. I feel that I have some balance in my life which includes social, and mingling with friends, even in this covid times. I am appreciating my friends more now, even though I am not seeing them a lot.

But yes, my cup is full, definitely getting all I need.

The new way of living is working from home, with that and a paint brush I have learnt to appreciate my home so much. It is fit now, for everything I need to do in it. I love that. It’s now the place I work, play and have fun, not so much in the city, but in my home.

As I write, I realise the title of this blog is misleading, as I’m not going to write about my sex life. My thing is about writing what is going on in my life, excluding the really juicy bits. I have to many stalkers out there to share that information. Just think what they would do with that detail, there is already so much mis-information out there. Last time I heard I was a man eater, from someone who didn’t know me. Should I put that down to my previous blogs. I could but I choose to blame my haters. I have grown to live with them and ignore them, as they contribute nothing to my life.

Working on sexy

Sex in the city has made a come back, it’s now called and just like that. Just like that we have adjusted to living with Covid 19. In this city, in this home.

Stella, Im not, adapting I am.

Blog #74 No Drama

One of my aims in life is not to be involved in drama. it is too emotionally draining for no reason at all. So when I see it I definitely try and side step it.

So how do you avoid it? I thought if I just stick to the edge, not get involve, have no opinion ill be able to avoid it. But oh no. I get call up on it. I get asked why I am giving off vibes. Did I know I was giving off bad vibes.

I should have said, because every interaction with you leads to drama, and I don’t won’t to be associated with it. Instead, I described the situation which broke the camel’s back.

Respect where respect is due, you picked up the phone and confronted me. Well that was not expected. You wanted resolution! you didn’t want no fakeness! you would prefer to no speaking if that was the case.

The reality is, we will never be best friends, because everything around you is related to drama. Im happy with hello and a smile. you will even still get invites. You have the choice weather you choose to accept.

I have friends which I have sidetracked, for the drama they try to bring into my life. I have family who seems to love drama. I don’t get it. Why people want to argue with me?

Now that’s a question I can’t answer. If I don’t agree with you, and I am not trying to make you come over to my way of thinking. Then why are you trying to make me do your bidding. Im happy to agree to differ. Get on with my life and you do yours. I think that’s cool.

Update December 2021.

For 6 months I have continue to try to avoid Drama, and I am not sure if I am just getting older and easier to ruffle, or the drama is sitting on my tail. But it is definitely coming for me. Even when I do what I like doing best, taking pictures of myself, people get in my shot, then try and control what I do with the picture. You can not believe how upsetting this was for me, me who tries and live a simple life. My memories are what I live for, please don’t dictate what I do. I guess what hurts more, is that you believed you were in the right, and when I apologise, you did not. That has taught me a lesson.

Drama is here to stay, how I deal with it has to be moderated.

Stella, imnot, Drama free, I wish

Blog #72 Zoom

This weekend, I attended 2 Zoom events where I was part of the administration. On reflection, it is definitely more interesting then just being in the room. Before Covid 19, very few people had heard of Zoom, we were all using Skype or getting use to Facebook live. But with the pandemic it has almost become a way of life.

Love it or hate it, I believe that Zoom has a place in modern life, but I can’t say I prefer it to real life being in the same place as others. With that say, Teams which is like Zoom is amazing, because it allows me to be home and still working. Being able to earn money, without leaving the house is an ambition I have had for a long time, and now I am achieving it. But for my social life I have mixed feelings.

Friday’s event, was in the form of a tribute to a very dear friend who passed earlier this year. Since his passing we have not been able to gather in the traditional way, that we would like in order to support the family. So I became part of the team which hosted the evening. To ensure it was a success, it involved numerous meetings, to ensure the evening ran like a well oiled engine. The preparation was fun, with many miles between us, we were able to work well, exchange thoughts and information. An agenda was planned and each one of us allocated a task on the day.

Having responsibility allow me to ensure I was engaged throughout the whole event. I was. Zoom allowed everyone who attended opportunity to share how they were feeling, send virtual hugs, but also seeing others who we would have seen under normal circumstances. For this I love zoom.

On Saturday, again I was an administrator, but this time for a party. The whole dynamics were different. Those attending were there to have a good time, listen and dance to the music and pretend they were in a club. While the numbers attending were comparable, less people had their camera’s on. Most were muted throughout the whole event. Not everyone appreciated the genre of music and were requesting for it to change. There was very little chat in in the chat room. I was glad I had a job to do, because it was the only way to keep me engaged, for the 5 hours I attended as admin.

I saw people in their homes, dressed up for a party, dancing and drinking and pretending that they were in a club. This is were I can not adopt the Zoom approach to partying. It does not come close to dancing in a club surrounded by others. Watching others who appear to be enjoying themselves does not relate to fun for me. I have been too to many parties where I just fall asleep. Even if I get dressed up, just dancing in a room by myself, is not what I want. Even, if I sit down, it doesn’t take long before I fall asleep. Because of this, I will turn off my camera, as soon as I feel my body drifting.

Is the way I am feeling just a sign of old age, no longer enjoying being in the club, or is it genuine lack of enthusiasm for Zoom. Im not sure right now, this will only be reviled when we are allowed to start partying again. Will I still want to be attending as many social events as I did before. Only time will tell.

Zoom is not going anywhere for now, as I need to organised another event for our link up group. A group of ladies who spend their working day on teams, and I am trying to engage them in evening Zoom event. But we have not met up in over 6 months, so some may be interested in attending. But the preparation now needs to begin to organise it, so it is worth the time being yet again in front of another screen. The plan is for some organised line dancing training. Ive never done this before, I believe Zoom will stretch to this, and it could even be fun.

Love it or hate it, Zoom is here to say, how we engage is up to us, but for now it aint going anywhere.

Stella Imnot, Zoomed out maybe.

Blog #71 How do you say goodbye

28th December my best Friend from school passed, and before she could be laid to rest on 21st January, Mikey RMP Rennie passed on the 17th. That is a lot to process my good friend from the pass, with my good friend from the future.

While Evadnie had been suffering for years and knew her time was coming nearer. We had no idea that Mikey’s time would be near, and we would need to say good bye. Since this year has started, that seems to be all I seem to be doing, as the conveyor belt to heaven has not stopped.

So now the reflections begins, while we question why? The question that will never be answer, but we still keep asking. How do we process the loss we are feeling? For me I have to concentrate on the good times, the memories we have made, the laughs we shared. What helps is the photos I have taken and the videos I have recorded. These helps me bring back the memories, they take me back to a place a time when I my friends were still here, and I could smile like I was back in the past.

Although they are gone their legacy lives on in their children, and their families and the things they have done in their time. Also the love that is expressed by all those who have know them. The testimonies do not stop, and have been capture never to be forgotten in digital content. Available now to watch when I want to soak up the admiration that others have had for you both.

One song that will always be associated with the Boss, has lyrics that go like this:-

“Sitting around doing nothing I’ve got nothing on my mind, and if you should stop to talk to me, I say you would just be wasting your time. I don’t know nothing about nothing, cause I’m living in a world I created for myself.”

My life has to go on, and while I will miss your presents in it, I need to create a world that makes me feel energised. What they have lost, I still have and I have to make the most of the rest of my life, not just for me, but for them. I can’t waste the time I have when so many would like to be in my shoes. So I will create a future that is memorable, but never forget the impact your friendships have had on my life. The next few years will not be about wasting my time.

So I’m not going to say goodbye, as it is too hard. Im going to continue living with your memories in my heart. Death comes to us all, but until my time comes, there is a whole lot of living I got to do not just for me, but for you both.

Stella Imnot, alive I am.

Blog#70 2021 Goals

So the year has come to an end, and it is all about Covid.  A condition which has had such an impact on the world, I can not start my goals without considering it.  What it makes you consider is the importance of good health.  Which has got to be top of my goals for 2021.  Before I wanted to lose weight to fit into my clothes, but now I want to lose weight, and ensure I am healthy, so that I can enjoy the rest of my life.  This is my new mantra, ‘the rest of my life will be the best of my life’.  How am I going to make that happen?

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Blog#69 Evadnie

My beautiful friend, how do I write this tribute to your life? Your short life which only span 55 years. But what a lot you have accomplished. Your legacy is 5 grown children, 8 grandchildren. Were you in competition with your parents, who if I’m not mistaken had 4 children and 10 grandchildren, you are doing very well.

When I met you, we developed an instance friendship, I remember you loved to read,, and introduced me to so many books. You seem to have more freedom then me, as you could go out with your siblings to parties, and had a boyfriend, but you also had more responsibility, as you always had to go home after school to cook your dad’s dinner.

As we grew up, there were actual so many differences in our lifestyle but still we remained friends. I was first to leave Bristol heading to Birmingham, and later you moved to London. I became an accountant, you a teacher. Although, we both did this with kids in toe. You became a Christian, while I follow a more social path. In 1990 I had to pleasure of watching you walk down the aisle, while I was single with 3 children, and still we remain good friends. While we did not see each other has often, or even speak when we did it was just like picking up where we left off.

You were a creative, and loved art. You would spend all your money on your hobbies. You also loved to treat her children, there was not an outing she did not take them too. Lets not forget Christmas time, they were always made to feel special, money or lack of it was never an issue. She also had a skill for doing hair, learnt from her sister, a gift I was able to take advantage of. What I loved about her most though was her ability to tell a story, and make you believe you were there.

The time just seem to pass by so quickly, then you had your first case of cancer, the treatment was defistating and you lost all your hair, and while you tried to get back to normal, it was never the same. Then you moved to Bath, a brave decision on your part. You wanted to start again. I reflect on all the places you have lived, its been ruff sometimes, but you always seem to be blessed, to get somewhere nice in the end. It occurs to me that one of the constants in your life has been Desmond, the father of your middle child. I would like to pay tribute to him, while it has not been easy, he has remained in your life.

Then I had the call from you 5 years ago, telling me the cancer had come back, and how the doctors had told you, they can keep you alive. I think they kept their promise, it was not easy and I reflect on what you had to go through to survive. The amount of treatment you have add and the pain you have gone through. The constant has always been your faith in God, you trusted him, and he served you. Nearly, 18 months ago, they said you were on end of life, and when they stopped treating you, you began to look so well. I almost forgot your condition, but God did not forget you.

I was so glad I got to see you for the last time in October, the little time I spent with you was full of laughter, just like we were in school. your last words, were that God has a plan for you, and how you would like me to accept good in my life. Well, I never stopped believing in God, as he has done so much good. Having faith can bring amazing things. That is what I will remember about you. No matter what you were going through the ability smile and laugh.

28th December I got the call I was dreading, that you were now at peace. I will never forget your time on this earth, and how you enriched my life. While we have lived opposite lifestyles , one thing I will remember you for is introducing me to duvet day. Just spending time relaxing binging on TV, not my usual way of entertaining myself, but satisfying all the same. Heaven has gain an Angel. RIP my beautiful friend.

Stellaimnot, missing you I am

Blog #67 where are we?

If someone had told me 2020 would have been like this, I would have responded that they are on the waky backy.

But as I sit here hungry waiting for my friend. I can’t believe we have come so far. The smile and laughter saids it all. We are still happy.

Well except for the fact that they haven’t got my drink. I’m really used to my drink now. It is part of my life. I think it will always be. Just like cook food, I can’t live without.

As it begins to get cold, I no longer want to leave my house. If it wasn’t for this date, I would have stayed in. I didn’t ever go for my run, because of the cold. So I’m going to have to re-address how I will spend the next few winter months. How I’m I going to cope? I need variety in my life, staying in watch Netflix’s is not going to cut it with me. I’m going to have to get more creative.

The first thing I’m going to start with is holidays. I’m going to get away to the sun. I know this is not easy, so much things that can go wrong. But I have faith that something will work out next year.

But when next year arrives, I know it is the little things we will begin to appreciate. The freedom we will be allowed. It’s only when your Liberty is taken away you appreciate the lost. When this is over I want to make everyday count. Each meal I have, give thanks especially when I am sharing the food with friends.

Every conversation I have I will make sure it is a good use of my time and those I am talking to. Because what I have learnt is the importance of time. How once it gone you can’t get it back. So from now on, I will make the best of every minute.

Stella I’m not, changing I am.

Blog#68 My Birthday

With only my 3rd blog this year, I’ve decided to base it on my birthday. The only apprehension I have is that my stalker is still watching what I do. The Vixen is always ready to try and get one up on me, poor sole. So, as I planned a dinner party for 8, during these Covid restrictions, I had a call from a friend tell me that I had enemies and I should watch what I post because those who don’t like me will report me to the authorities. Because others were involved, I took down my posts, and continued my Dinner party, without sharing the whole lead up to the event. I reflect on my decision, why I’m I letting other control what I do vicariously? If I want to share some of my life via social media, I should feel that I can. As long as I respect those who do not want to be exposed on my timeline, I feel this it is Ok. I have also had enemies, the Vixen to name one, and I have managed to get one up on them, by just being me. So, there are some people who do not like me and they are happy to share that in the company of people who know me. With that said my Birthday was amazing. I share it in the company of people who were happy to share my celebrations. I even had friends call me to find out what I was doing for my birthday so they could celebrate with me. So, I went to a Covid lunch, and drank expensive Prosecco, and managed to dance when allowed. I made a special effort to get ready, it’s not every day I get to put on makeup, for a road trip. I had such an enjoyable day, and manage to get selfies, with lots of people, which all help to make the day rememberable. My other celebration was a Hot tub which me and my friends shared in my conservatory, with takeaway a prosecco. It was absolutely amazing, the best thing was I manage to lose a few pounds, getting down to my lowest weight in a long time. But my celebrations did not stop here either. Lastly, was the dinner party, what was special about this dinner party, was that I did not have to cook. I was able to stay in the room and enjoy all the conversation that took place around the table. As well as all the alcohol. Lets not forget the presents, one of which is still on its way, its always nice to unwrap the surprise and off course Mr Bailey was every near. I am still not sure if that is a good thing. But what social media allows is for everyone to send you birthday greetings. I had so many, it took 2 days to reply to them all. That is what was so nice about my birthday, my social media friends took time to wish me a happy birthday, and I feel blessed for that. Stellaimnot, blessed I definitely am.

Blogg#66 Still here

This is my 4 year of blogging, I can not believe I have been going for so long. But yes I am still here.

So what has changed since I started. I now have a job and I am working through Covid 19. initially it was killing me. But I had to change my attitude and how I deal with Covid in my mind.

For me is considering what is the basic I need to feel that I am living? What will get me out of bed? Also I need to consider what is the risks involved. So where has that go me?

I hate working, but I have to remember they pay me a lot of money, just to get out of my bed and go downstair and switch on the Computer. It could be worse I could have to go into the office, at extremely more expense. So in the morning I get out of bed.

So I have to eat, but I don’t have to eat the whole house. So consider moderation, every time I put something in my month. This has to be the hardest thing. As for months I have been using food to comfort me+I have been getting too much pleasure out of putting things in my month. I say that with a smile.

But I am made of strong stuff, and I have been living this game call life for a long time. I think I’m good at it. So I will did what I need to do to keep going. Always giving praise to my father up above. I don’t know when the end will come. But I can continue to do this.

Stellaimnot, bit we got this